Good Humour

LAFF LINES

Good humour is a matter or personal taste so we can't gaurantee you'll laugh at all our jokes, but we can gaurantee that they're clean and considered funny by 98.9% of people!

Good Morning Lord

Baseball Nuns

	John got up to leave during a long sermon. The minister said, "where are you going?" John replied, "to get a haircut." The minster said, "you should have gotten one before you came." John replied, "when I came in, I didn't need one!"
	The preacher was dickering with the salesman to lower the price on the new car. "Remember," he said, "I'm just a poor Baptist preacher." "I know," said the salesman, "I've heard you preach!"
	A pastor said, "We welcome all denominations, especially tens and twenties."
	A pastor describing his congregation. "We have 300 members, all active. 150 working for me, and 150 working against me."
	In the days of the Berlin Wall, there was a little old man who crossed the checkpoint every week, pushing his bicylce and carrying a heavy sack. The border guard, suspecting him of smuggling, always searched the sack thoroughly but never found anything worthwhile. One day, after the wall came down, the guard ran into the little old man. "Look, I just know you were smuggling something all those years but I could never prove it," said the guard. "Tell me what it was." The little old man chuckled, "Bicycles."
	The preacher's Sunday sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies.' He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80% held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" asked the preacher. "I don't have any," she replied. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" asked the preacher. "Ninety three," she replied. "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world," asked the preacher. The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said, "It's easy, I just outlived all my enemies."
	My son Billy, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Billy stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We'd better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet two days ago!"
	Reverend Houseley preached all his life against the wickedness of betting. He was visiting Ireland and decided to attend a race to see for himself what went on. At the track he saw a Catholic priest bless a horse about to run in a race. He continued to watch the priest and saw him bless two more horses - all three won their races. After seeing a horse for the fourth race being blessed, the minister rushed to the betting window and placed all his money on it. The race started but before long the horse began to stagger and finally fell over dead. Distraught, Reverend Houseley sought out the priest and told him his unhappy experience. "I'm very sorry," said the Catholic. I guess you must be a Protestant!" "Indeed I am," said the clergyman. "Ah, then," said the priest, "you would not be know'n the difference 'tween a blessin' and givin' the last rites!"
	One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The man said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but you may certainly not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough!' To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to the building fund..." To this the secretary quickly responded, "Hang on, the big fat pig just walked in!"
	Andy came to work one day, limping something aweful. One of his co-workers noticed and asked what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." "I never knew you played hockey." "I don't," said Andy. "I hurt it last year when I lost $1000 on the Stanley Cup playoffs and put my foot through the television.

The Bridge City Community Church is a member congregation of the Worldwide Church of God Canada.
We also support the core values & doctrines, and maintain membership in the Evangelical Association of Canada.